My origin story

The first book I ever wrote was a meditation on familial relationships and life stages. I illustrated pastoral scenes where people held hands on grassy fields. It was titled, simply, “LiFE.” I was four. 

Like many authors before me, I regurgitated my own material over and over, creating dozens of tiny booklets that went into the hands of relatives and caretakers. All titled “Life”. Very sparse word counts.

Once I could form my letters, I wrote a lot of first chapters. I started at least ten fantasy series. Another story was about a girl who owned every breed of dog that’s black, tan, and white: rottweilers, beagles, mountain dogs, etc. I didn’t get very far. That’s a lot of dogs!

While trying to decide on my career path at seventeen, I came across an odd bit of wisdom in a playwriting course. A Serious Writer stated matter-of-factly that no writer wants to write. No writer chooses this path. Writers write because they have to. They have no other choice.

Oh, I thought. I guess I’m not a writer. I don’t have to write. I can envision other futures.

So then I was not a writer for many years.* (Unless you count the four creative writing courses in university. Or the plays in high school. Or the dozen-or-so songs over the past decade.)

I accidentally developed a growth mindset in 2021. It’s a long story, but it completely changed my life. It’s how I was able to try, and to enjoy, surfing, even though I’m not a good surfer (yet.) I decided to start reading again. At some point, it brought me back to writing.**

As a child and teen, books were a lifeline for me. They fueled my daydreams and staved off loneliness, for the most part. I think I actually believed I was Matilda, and was confused when my telekinesis didn’t kick in. I dreamed of being a published author before memory. I used to think: if a story can help a kid feel a little less lonely, I want to write it.

When I started reading again, the dream of writing came back, too. I was in denial at first. The Serious Writer’s words had rooted themselves deeply. I was happy enough in my day job, happy enough to explore my other interests and hobbies. I wasn’t dying to write. But I wanted to.

I wanted to write a story that helps someone. I wanted to write YA because I believe I have something valuable to share with teenagers: something I wish I had access to when I was in high school. Adult / mainstream / literary fiction is fun for me to read, but I’m not moved to write it, because there’s nothing in particular I have to say.

Was the Serious Writer wrong? I’m not sure. In a way, I do feel like there’s something I have to say. But I also want to write. I even enjoy it, most days. I’m not a fan of gatekeeping; if you write, you’re a writer, and that’s all there is to it.

After I accepted that I wanted to write, I started reading Bird By Bird by Anne Lamott. 10/10 recommend that book for any aspiring writer. She talked me out of writing as a means to an end; she talked me into writing for writing’s sake. I wrote every morning that summer, and I loved it. 

I kept going. I signed up for UBC’s edX course on novel writing. I outlined my debut novel. And then I wrote it! A whole draft that I held in my hands. I started rewriting, and I haven’t stopped. (Paused, on the other hand? Hesitated? Absolutely.)

Here I am, a year after I started my outline. I now have a writing group that meets for weekly progress check-ins and ad-hoc critiques. We are the Draft Dodgers. I went to the PNWA Writers Conference last weekend, where I absorbed as much as possible from the information firehose and made new friends. I even pitched my unfinished book to a few agents who want to read it when it’s done. Eek!

It’s still scary to call myself a writer, but I’m working on it. My sister once gave me a fantastic pen that read “j’écris, donc je suis.” For my purposes, a line edit: “j’écris, donc je suis une écrivaine.” 

*My “not a writer” years included stints in the fitness industry, serving and bartending, and studying computer science. I’m currently a software engineer by day, yoga apprentice by night, and writer by the wee hours of the morning.

“Begin Writing Now”

**I should also credit the randomly-drawn oracle card that I received in my Witches Roots subscription box, which reads “Begin Writing Now”. I’ve kept it propped up on my windowsill for a year and a half. The Ancestor Spirit deck is by Jade-Sky with artwork by Belinda Morris.